WHAT'S A PHYSICS? ASK NORFOLK MANAGERS
CONCERNS have been raised over the standard of coaching after it emerged 90% of Norfolk League managers could not tell the difference between a microscope and a frog.
UEFA has demanded urgent action by the Norfolk League administrators before a manager suffers serious internal injuries from trying to drink a bag of carpet tacks.
UEFA said the dumbing down of the Norfolk League entry exam has led to managers being awarded coaching badges for running head first into a wall, while the practical part of the exam involves making a glass of Ribena without getting yourself or anyone else pregnant.
And according to UEFA one manager was awarded a management position after claiming that gravity was invented in 1994 by his Uncle Derek.
A spokesman said: "We risk creating a generation of managers who will not only lack vital 21st century skills, but who also risk electrocuting themselves while trying to release the tiny people trapped inside their television sets."
Questions from this year's entry exam paper include:
Where is 'up'? Is it: (a) up (b) down (c) Thursday?
If a falling object accelerates at 10 metres per second per second, who is your favourite character on Desperate Housewives?
Why aren't aeroplanes made from butter?
Norfolk League administrator William Young defended the exam system, adding: "As long as the most able managers are being stretched we just have to make sure the rest of them know the difference between hot and cold so they don't keep shoving their head into the deep fat frier at KFC."
by Nicholas Millar, manager of Gohtza City |