Swiss Guard Referee
Swiss neutrality at its most extreme - Third Division sides Gohtza City and Division 1's N.Y. Muggers met at Canal Street yesterday and experienced surely the most bizarre events ever to take place in sport.
Eleven minutes into the game, referee Travis Tee awarded N.Y. Muggers a goal because Gohtza City goalkeeper Lucas van Ede was shouting and excessively "girating"
Even more inexplicable decisions involved the referee insisting that the linesmen use semaphore instead of flags
As the first half continued players and fans alike became increasingly alarmed by the official's temperament. At one point he stood to attention in the middle of the pitch and began chanting Latin verses, reported the City captain Junichi Kusibiki.
As expected, Mr. Tee ended the first half by blasting the whistle at least a dozen times to a chorus of boo's from the home City fans.
Reports on the identity of Travis Tee was made public during the half time break. Mr. Tee was actually a court-martialed Swiss Guard with, quote "general mania including nudist tenedencies" which is apparently frowned upon in the Vatican.
When the news filtered to the crowd it sparked anti-papal curses which led to the referee pulling out a corner flag and hurling it into the crowd and impaling two children.
By the 77th minute of the game, discontent brewed into chaos as Tee disallowed a perfectly legal Gohtza City goal on the grounds that the subsequent celebration was "too sexually suggestive to onlookers" Kusibiki's bewilderment turned to anger as he began to strangle Tee with the goal netting
The game was abandoned in the 80th minute with four lying dead on the pitch, two N.Y. Muggers players crippled with harpoon wounds and a linesman in a Pukka pie-induced coma.
by Nicholas Millar, manager of Gohtza City |