GOHTZA CITY TO
BUY MORE OR
LESS EVERYONE
GOHTZA City was last night
lining up bids for just
about everyone as the club looked to
secure
promotion in their debut season.
With the transfer
window opening, the club has reduced the UK-wide unemployment count
by 19%, bringing in 640,000 players and more than 200,000 backroom
staff.
The new players include Bert Reeves, an 82-year-old
goalkeeper, famous for being substituted after 45 seconds in the
1958 FA Cup Final, and left-sided full back Alfie Booker, a 97
year-old stroke victim who has no idea what a football
is.
Booker said he was particularly looking forward to
playing MJH Stars, adding: "I lost a perfectly good pocket watch
there in 1933. Perhaps someone's handed it in."
Leaving
nothing to chance the club has also taken on 23,000 pilots, 15,000
Mexican chefs, 1,400 acupuncturists and 830 of Britain's best
heating engineers.
Meanwhile the club's Saudi owners are
also looking to increase the price of oil to $18,000 a barrel in a
bid to force rival clubs to forfeit away games.
Experts now
believe the government's multi-billion pound attempt to restart the
economy may become an irrelevant footnote in the face of Gohtza
City.
Julian Cook, an analyst at Madeley-Finnegan, said:
"Economic recovery combined with a top two finish and an eventual
failure to qualify for the final of the Norfolk Cup will surely
justify the billions they've haemorrhaged on utter
shit."
by Nicholas
Millar manager
of
Gohtza
Cirt |
